Debbie Downer

Most of us are our own worst enemies; we’re highly self-critical. 

We consistently beat ourselves up and don’t give ourselves enough credit for the good that we’re doing in our lives. This behavior hold us back from achieving our full potential.

This behaviour gets on the nerves of those people around us. It sucks the life right out of them and brings about negative emotions. It has a dangerous effect in their lives, and it negatively influences how they look at you. 

Simply put, nobody likes a “Debbie Downer.”

Instead, we are obliged to be self-compassionate. Compared to self-critical individuals, self-compassionate people:

Perform better
Are more resilient
Feel less depressed and/or anxious
Have better relationships, feel more secure in relationships, get along with people more effectively
Are more emotionally intelligent and less egocentric
Are more satisfied with life
Are better able to take risks, are less afraid of failure
Learn, grow, and develop more effectively
Are better at providing social support
Are psychologically healthier overall
Self-compassion involves three parts:

Self-kindness: a conscious attitude of kindness; being understanding and nurturing to yourself instead of harshly critical and judgmental. It is not self-indulgence or self-destructive pleasure seeking; you do things that truly make you feel better and sustain you.
Common humanity: you realize it’s not just you; everyone has challenges, makes mistakes, and feels down and inadequate; see yourself as part of a larger whole.
Mindfulness: state of nonjudgmental, conscious awareness and self-observation.
Call yourself out when you notice that you’re being self-critical.Here are some examples of being self-compassionate:

Give yourself a break (Note that this doesn’t mean giving yourself a “get out of jail free” card all the time)
Be kind to yourself
Choose to be genuinely kind
Have “crucial conversations” and say difficult things when you need to
Practice mindfulness
Practice self-forgiveness
Have common decency and empathy
Be honest and look at the big picture
Recognize your needs and balance them with others’
Focus on the process—on consistently trying to live according to your deeper values and principles, accepting that it won’t be perfect
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We are grateful to have you as part of us.

With regards
Benon Nyabuto
By headquarters on Sept. 22, 2020, 5:30 a.m.
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